OK so I'm back with another post about being single, but this time I thought I'd talk about something a little different. In fact not only is this something a little different, it's something I never thought I'd post about online, mainly because:
1) I tend to talk about this kind of thing with my closest friends
2) I wasn't sure anyone else actually thought about this kind of thing in as much detail as I did
If you're reading this and you know me well, you'll know I like to plan ahead. And when I say plan ahead I mean plan my 30th birthday party a year and a half in advance/ budget my finances for the rest of the year and then continue into 2018, 2019 and then 2020. I'm a planner. Oh and I'm also a list maker.
Before I was single this time around I found myself aimlessly wandering around going out with guys that gave me attention or guys that I thought were right for me. Turns out, although I've had some great relationships, the guys I was with just weren't exactly what I was looking for. Finding myself single at 28 made me re-evalute things a lot and whilst I was thinking things through, I decided to note down some of the key things I was looking for from a guy. Now I'm under no illusions here.. Relationships are about compromise and no one person is completely perfect. That being said, how on earth am I going to know what to look for if I don't at least agree with myself on some of the key things I'm after in a guy? So here it is, my "list" as it stands on September 5th 2017:
1. K I N D
The guy has to be kind. This is a complete non negotiable. I'm not talking about being kind for his own benefit or because he thinks it's the right thing to do, just genuinely kind. My favourite type of people are the ones who ask if you're OK when they can see things might not be quite right, and who offer their support when someone is struggling. I want a guy to do this for me but also the people around him; empathy is such an attractive quality in a person.
2. M A T U R I T Y
Maturity can sometimes be mistaken for being boring. I'm not talking about being old before your time, just mature enough to understand what it means to be an adult. Being able to financially support yourself for example. I want a guy who knows how to iron his own shirts, cook a few meals, generally be self sufficient. To understand that a woman's place isn't always in the kitchen and to know that every weekend isn't about going out and getting absolutely smashed with your mates. Balance is the key word here.
3. S E N S E O F H U M O U R
A sense of humour is a must for me. I absolutely love a guy who makes me laugh and someone who's on my wavelength when it comes to the things I find funny. If we can watch the same comedy sketches and laugh together then I'm sold!
4. A G O O D T A L K E R
Talking is a big thing for me. I don't mind sitting in silence sometimes, but I need someone I can talk to. Someone who can hold a conversation and want to speak to me about the things that I find important. I also want to hear about someone else's opinions and to learn new ways of seeing things. For me, a guy needs to be a good conversationalist.
5. H E A L T H Y
I love a takeaway and a boozy night out as much as the next person but I like to keep relatively healthy. I like a guy to be interested in sports (not just watching football on TV!) and ideally to hold a gym membership... That he actually uses! Badminton, tennis, football, rugby. I'm not fussed about the sport, just something that keeps him occupied and physically fit. If a guy cares about his own health it means he's more likely to take an interest in mine.
6. F U N
The guy I'm with has to be confident and fun. I want to be able to get drunk together, dance together, and to generally enjoy each others company. I need to know I can invite him out with my group of friends without having to worry about him sitting in the corner being boring and not socialising. Nights out with my friends are frequent in my life so someone who's willing to stay out until the early hours is a must.
7. L O V E S
The guy I'm looking for will love:
1) Family - my family mean a lot to me, especially my sisters. I'd like someone who's family orientated
2) Friends - my friends are hugely important to me and I'd like to find a guy who feels the same about his friends too. I've got a lot of group chats that I need to keep up to date with and I can't be dealing with someone who gets annoyed with that!
3) Films - my favourite thing to do is watch films. I couldn't handle being with someone who doesn't like a movie night on the sofa!
4) Food - there's nothing I like more than going out for a yummy meal. I can't deal with fussy eaters or someone who's not into their food
5) Music - If I'm not watching films or chatting to my friends then I'm listening to music. The right guy is going to have to be able to sing Stevie Wonder with me. Loud.
8. M A R R I A G E & C H I L D R E N
The perfect guy would want to get married and have children. This is definitely another non negotiable.
9. A T T R A C T I V E
I'm by no means a shallow person but looks do mean a lot to me. I need to be physically attracted to someone. Generally speaking I'd say that looks don't account for everything, and a persons personality definitely goes some way towards how attractive I find them. That being said their looks are also a factor. He needs to be good looking in my eyes.
10. S E X
Ooooh she went there. I personally think you find your own balance with a partner so there's no point me going into detail about how frequently you do it or how experimental it is. All I ask for is that a guy is open and willing to talk about sex and what both parties like and dislike. There's nothing more attractive than someone who's confident in the bedroom.
Do any of you have a "list" you'd like to share?